Everyone is milling around in the abandoned temple waiting for Callista to send them their next peice of hell.
Jacen: I'm once again bored. Is there anything left to do?
Zekk:(Reading 10,000 Things to do When You're Trapped in an Old Abandoned Temple by an Evil Woman who Wants to Rekindle an old Flame by Sending you bad Fanfics and Spam) Nope.
Jaina: We'd better find something, I think Uncle Luke is about to lose it.
All look to see Luke huddled in a corner holding an old-fashioned holo camera to his face
Luke: I'm so scared, so scared.
Mara suddenly enters stage right, startling Tenel Ka who was polishing her dagger while staring down Anja
Mara: Has she called yet? That was my fifth shower in three days.
Jaina, Anja, and Tenel Ka: There's a shower? Why were we not informed?
Mara: Girls, just repeat to yourself, "It's just a story, and I really should just relax"
The girls, however were already at the door of the shower, doing that "me first" bit normally seen in comic shows and movies.
Jacen: I never thought a hose attached to a stick would be so important to a girl.
Zekk: Those girls are nothing, I remember once seeing a Wookiee who couldn't go a minute without combing his fur.
Lowie: Yeah, I remember seeing him. I think his name was Murray.
Callista suddenly appears on screen.
Callista: Really? I thought his name was Murrah.
Lowie: No, I'm pretty sure it was Murray.
Callista: (noticing luke) What!? What's he doing with a camera!? And why is he a mindless, quivering shell of the man he used to be?
Zekk: Well, after so many days without you to interrupt our delicate shcedule, the routine and boredom got to him. As for the camera, I honestly don't know.
Callista: (Mumbling) Well, I guess my mission is accomplished, I mean he's not my unyeilding love slave, but at least he's broken. (to screen) Okay, since it seems that Lukie is mine, you're free to go, I guess. Just drop him off somewhere away from you and wait for me to let you out.
Jacen, Zekk, and Lowie: FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST! THANK THE MAKER ALLMIGHTY! FREE AT LAST!
Mara: Hold it, boys. Callie, I'll make a deal with you, you send us another fanfic, and while we're reading it, I'll try to snap him out of it. If I get him out, he's mine. If he stays vegged by the time it's over, you can have him.
Callista: Deal. But I get to choose the fic. (rummages through a barrel marked with a bio-hazard symbol)Ah, here we go. (Holds up a green, glowing pile of paper) This one is garunteed to bend your minds, twist your socks and water your cat! (Insert healthy dose of evil laughter here)
Jacen: Mara, you do know you just screwed us.
Mara: What do you mean?
Zekk: Well, if you do snap Luke out of Veggie land, ol' Callie's just gonna try harder to get us.
Lowie: And if you don't, we'll have lost luke completely, and Callista will surely just leave us here to wither and die.
Mara: Ooops. Sorry.
Callista (between laughs): Thats...right...enjoy your last moments...of sanity!
Callista binks off, replaced by a few fanfic prieveiews.
The girls just walk in, soaking wet, and take their places.
Jaina: Next time is my turn.
Anja: Not if I get there.
Tenel Ka: Or me.
Mara: Kids, could you do me a favor and read on while I try to bring my husband out of veggie-ism?
All YJK: Right-o!
Jacen: Not another one!
Zekk: If Callista's statement were true, this is going to be someone's worst birthday ever.
>Dawn erupted on Yavin 4
Lowie: Looks like someone's hit the detergent bottle again.
Zekk: Either that or someone's volcano experiment went terribly awry.
>Covering every creature in its warm
Jaina: Does the author mean that the sunlight not only reached the side of the moon facing the sun, but the other side as well?
Tenel Ka: Either that or the author means that the sunlight only hit the creatures, leaving the plants to wither and die.
>Causing all of them to awaken and start their >business. All that is, except Jacen Solo, who >was still asleep in his quarters.
Jaina: So while every creature is waking up due to the fact that incredible amounts of sunlight are pelting it, Jacen is still asleep?
Jacen: It's a gift.
> Too bad he was asleep, though, because a dark >figure slowly crept into his room.
Zekk: Totally ignoring the fact that the rooms have doors and locks.
Tenel Ka: Maybe it's a ghost, coming to haunt him
Jaina: Nah, the only ghosts that would haunt Jacen would be ghosts of a chance.
Jacen: I'm sitting right here, you know.
>"So," hissed the figure, "You will not wake?
>I can rectify that." the figure said while >creeping up to the window and shoving it open.
Lowie: Whoa, mama! Those are some muscles!
>Light filled the room. Unfortunately, it only caused Jacen to turn away from the light and continue sleeping. The robed figure tried everything it could think of to wake him, still to no avail, until it got a bright idea and crushed an insect in one of the cages next to the door.
Jacen: You evil psyco! I'll hunt you down and crush you!
Zekk: Whoa, calm down, buddy.
Lowie: Yeah, it's not like I went berserk after we read that peice of garbage about me being shaved completely and made to walk the block nude.
>Jacen leapt up and activated his lightsaber
Tenel Ka: You sleep with your lightsaber?
Jacen: It's not how it looks!
>"All right, Who's there!?"
Zekk: As if you wouldn't notice someone in your room.
Jaina: knowing Jacen just after he wakes up, he probably wouldn't
>"Me," the figure said, throwing off its robes.
All begin humming porno-style music
>Revealing none other than Jaina clad in a clown suit and a party hat!
All: the hell?
Zekk: You know, I was getting to think that this was going to be a pretty good story, until now.
Tenel Ka: I agree
Jaina: So let me get this straight, I sneak into Jacen's room in a robe, wake him up in the worst possible way, and then reveal that I'm in a clown suit?
Zekk: Jaina, try not to think about it and maybe it'll go away.
>"Jaina?" Jacen stammered, throwing his lightsaber down.
Lowie: With it still on? Someone's getting careless.
Jacen: It's not like I do it on a regular basis.
>"Yes," said Jaina, opening the door
All: To hell!
>of Jacen's room. "Follow me."
Jaina (bad chinese accent): Follow me, follow me! Don't get lost!
> Jaina led Jacen through the many corridors of the jedi academy until they finally reached the outside.
Jacen: By the way that reads, the Academy is nothing but a bunch of corridors.
>Jaina planted Jacen ten meters from the edge of the jungle and told him to wait there.
Zekk: That's Jaina, always precise.
Tenel Ka: She planted Jacen?
Lowie: Maybe she was hoping he would grow a little
Jacen: Oh shut up.
>Jacen waited for about an hour.
Jaina: What a moron
Jacen: I heard that
>That is, until everyone in the academy burst from the trees, yelling "SURPRISE!" at the top of their lungs.
Jacen: Whoa! You don't see that every day!
Jaina: Now hold on, the author just plainly broke a few laws of nature here. I mean it clearly said that everyone 'inside' the academy, then they burst from the trees?
Zekk: Jaina, remember what I told you.
Jaina: Right, don't think about it.
Tenel Ka: Wouldn't that be painful, I mean, bursting and all?
Lowie: You would think.
>Jacen was shocked
Zekk: As were we
>to see how many people appreciated him
Tenel Ka: By bursting. How nice
>He quickly recovered and started to laugh
Jaina: As anyone would do when everyone they knew suddenly burst right in front of you.
Jacen: You do know that the author meant everyone just suddenly came out of the trees yelling, they didn't explode.
Zekk: We know, you don't have to rub it in our faces.
>It had been a good birthday
Jacen: and short
Zekk: And pointless
Tenel Ka: And just plain stupid
Jaina: Hey, if it's his birthday, shouldn't it be mine too?
Lowie: Never mind that, where was I?
Zekk: Yeah, and me?
Tenel Ka: And me?
All wait for Anja to say something
Lowie: Did it occur to anyone that Anja didn't say a thing during this?
Zekk: Didn't cross my mind
Jaina: Not really
Tenel Ka: Not that I know of
Jaina notices a note attaced to the spot Anja normally takes, it read:
Because of all the bad comments and just plain rudeness to me after all this time, I have decided to go out on my own and try and find a way out of here.
Loves and Kisses
Jacen: Well, at least we won't have to worry about her anymore.
Tenel Ka: Worry about what?
Mara and Luke walk in, both looking happy and content.
Luke: You know, all of this kinda makes you think, I mean, without insane megalomaniacs like Callista, we wouldn't be the people we are today. No matter how far evil gets, good will always win, and always coming out wiser and stronger.
Mara: Well, it does seem that good has once again triumphed over evil. Luke is sane, and we are all together.
Tenel Ka: Except for Anja
Mara: She's missing? I din't notice.
Suddenly, Anja drops from an air duct in the ceiling, followed by callista over the PA
Callista: Never try that again! Just wait till I break you, ohhh, you'll get it.
Luke(Continuing his speech: Yes, it seems that Evil it the grit that makes those ordinary rocks into shiny pebbles. (goes on for quite some time, but I don't want to type it all)
Callista appears on screen
Callista: (Looks at everyone looking about a healthy as could be in the temple and starts to grow a very deep red) Just for this, you will pay! And when I'm done, all that will be left of you will be shiny pebbles!
Forcefully slams the button that closes the connection.
Jacen: Uh huh
Lowie: Got that right
The figure removed its robes, to reveal Jaina in a clown suit and a party hat!
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