(Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, or the whole MST idea. Any comments made about the author aren't meant to be hurtful in anyway, it's just for fun. The author of this badfic is Kendra.
Mild swearing warning, but nothing earth shattering. If you can watch TV, you can read this.)
Mara: They moved it up by two days!
Anja: Moved what up?
Jaina: The prequels! Too bad we'll be stuck here.
Zekk: Don't worry, HBO or someone else will have it on TV by October, tops.
Jacen: Thank the maker for cable television.
Callista comes on screen.
Callista: And how are we today?
Lowie: I was fine this morning, but I feel suddenly nauseous.
Callista: That much is expected. Enjoy the story!
Luke: We never enjoy the stories.
Mara: Sarcasm Luke, sarcasm.
>>Dah Dah duh dau dah duh Dah DAh
Anja: If I die now, would I still have to read this?
Jaina: If I said "no" would you die?
Tenel Ka: Then you'd still have to read it.
>> The Real Adventures of Jaina Quest
>>Starrring: Jaina Quest, her father Dr. Lowbacca Quest, bodygaurd Jacen Bannon, Jacen's wife Mara Bannon, their daughter Tenel Ka Bannon, the Sultan of India Zekk Sinc.
>>Bad Guys: Dr. Luke Surd, Henchpeople Anja and Raynar
Anja: Why am I always evil?
Jacen: Because you *are* evil.
Tenel Ka: Jacen, honey, why did you marry your aunt?
Jacen: I swear it wasn't me!
Tenel Ka: Jacen. . .
Mara: Tenel Ka, don't talk back to your father.
Jaina: Jacen, if Tenel Ka's your daughter then doesn't that make you a little perverted?
Jacen: It's just a story! Tenel Ka's not my daughter; Mara's not my wife. It's not my fault!
Zekk: You can't win, Jacen. Shut up now and they might only neuter you.
Jacen: But it's not my fault. Ever.
Jaina: Don't be ridiculous. It's always your fault, by default.
>> It was a bright beautiful day at the Quest Compound in Maine.Jacen Bannon (Jace for short) is polishing his ship The Millenium Falcon. When he gets a phone call. "Hello" he sais in deep voice. "Yes this is Jace Bannon.Who am I talking to."
Mara: It's amazing, the author has captured his lack of an intellect perfectly.
>> "You" sais a girly voice "are talking to me Anja."
>> "Do I know you?" he asks. "No" she sais "but I was wondering if you would go to dinner with me." "Sure Miss Anja when shall I be there. "8:00" she say. " My plan is brilliant." say Anja's boss the evil Luke Surd.
>>"Daddy" ask Tenel Ka Bannon " who was on the phone?"
>>"Uh ah Uh Coworker I'm meeting for dinner."
>>"Dad! Not another girl."
Luke: Wonderful. First, Jacen marries *my* wife, and then he cheats on her with *Anja*, of all people!
Mara: And I thought Anja was the Academy's resident whore.
Jacen: It's just a story. . .
>> Next day when Jacen get back from date he sais "I must get rid of dear Mara." So when he and 'dear' Mara are together out on cliff he shoves her off. "Geramino!" Then he anounce his wedding to sweet lil'ol Anja.
Luke: Jacen, for killing my wife, you now have kitchen duty for an undetermined amount of time when we get out of here.
Jacen (whimpering): It's not my fault. . .
>> " But Daddy you can't do that to lil'ol me." daughter Tenel Ka protest."I mean mom has always been there for me even when I lost my arm."
>>"Too Bad." Jace leave room.
Tenel Ka (smacks Jacen): How insensitive! My mother, your *wife*, is dead because *you* pushed her off a cliff, and you don't even care about what I think!
>> "Aw poor baby talk"say Sultan Zekk.
>>"Shut Up" Jaina and Tenel Ka say in unison.
>>"You can't make me." Sultan Zekk say.
>>"Wanna bet." Jaina say threateningly as she gets the masking tape. While Tenel Ka pounds her fist in her other hand threateningly. 30 minutes later Sultan Zekk inds up hanging upside down from basket ball hoop.
Jaina: I must be getting used to bad stories because I thought that made a scary kind of sense.
>> Dr. Lowbacca Quest come outside he is rEALY rEALY rEALY rEALY rEALY rEALY rEALY rEALY rEALY rEALY iritated . First his body gaurd leave him and kill Mrs. Bannon, then on top of that his daughter and daughter friend hang the Sultan.
Jaina: Forget about what I just said. This story sucks.
>> The End
Lowie: It's about time.
Zekk: Where've you been?
Lowie: Resisting the urge to hurl.
Jaina: But so were we, and we were all right here.
Lowie: Lets just say that I gave in and that's why I missed the story.
>> Status Quo: Good guys: Jaina, Tenel Ka and Lowbacca Bad Guys: Luke Surd, Raynar ThuBullie, Jace and Anja Bannon and soon to be Kara Bannon
>> Dead Guys: ex Mara Bannon and Sultan of India Zekk.
Tenel Ka: Who's Kara Bannon?
Anja (smiling): I have a daughter!
Tenel Ka (*not* smiling): Jacen, if this happens one more time then we will be forced to adopt *our* children.
Jacen: Why is that?
Tenel Ka: Because you won't be able to have any.
Jacen: But it's not my fault!
Callista appears on screen, and she does not look happy.
Callista: Lowbacca! How dare you skip the story!
Lowie: Well, no one came to get me. You know, we don't *have* to read this crap, it's not like she can come over here and do anything to us.
Callista: But I *can* cut off your cable TV. And I will if I find out another one of you has missed a story. So there.
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