MST: The Prologue

(Spoiler warning: This takes place after Crisis at Crystal Reef)


Jaina, Jacen, Tenel Ka, Lowie, Zekk, and Anja are at the river, sitting around on the banks. Suddenly, a thermal detonator is thrown into their midst. Before the Jedi can react, it explodes and envelops them in a cloud of smoke.

When they awake, the YJKs find themselves in a large room. Luke and Mara are still unconscious in a corner of the room. A screen on the wall lights up, and Callista appears.

Jaina: Callista! Thank goodness, can you get us out of here?

Callista, smiling maniacally: Who do you think put you there?

Jacen: Jealous Trekkies?

Callista: No! I put you there, to punish them.

Jacen (confused): Punish the Trekkies?

Callista: No! To punish their unholy union.

Jacen: What union? I though the Tre-

Callista: No, you moron! Luke and Mara! He was mine first!

Mara (who has just woken up): `Friad not, Callie. I was trying to kill him long before you murdered Cray to escape from your little computer home.

Callista: Exactly! You were trying to kill him! You don't deserve Luke!

Mara: You've been dead for at least thirty years! Why should you get to come back and steal my man?

Luke (who has been awakened by the noise of a soon-to-be catfight): It's ok ladies, there's enough of me to go-

Callista and Mara: Shut up, Luke!

Callista: As I was saying, he was mine first!

Mara: That is such bull! I saw him in Jabba's court, when you didn't even know he existed.

Zekk: Um, sorry to interrupt but why are we here?

Callista: Oh, yeah. You all are still there. I've decided to put Luke and Mara in a quarantine of sorts until he changes his mind and marries me.

Mara: Why should he? You left him!

Callista: I had my reasons! Anyway, to speed up Luke's return to me, I will be sending you the most horrible, most despicable torture known in our galaxy.

All: What?

Callista: Bad Fan Fiction! with the occasional piece of spam for variety.

All: No! It's inhuman!

Callista: Yes, bad fic and spam. Luke will be mine after the first story!

Anja: Hey, you still haven't told us why we're here. (gesturing to herself and the YJK)

Callista: Because I didn't want you all to be around as a rescuing party. Any further questions?

Luke: Just two. a) Where are we? b) How did we get here?

Callista (batting her eyelashes at Luke): You're in one of the old temples, but far away from the main academy that no one can sense you. There's also ysalamiri surrounding this temple to prevent any contact with the outside. I was able to gather you all together with the help of my assistant.

Lando steps out of the shadows behind Callista.

All: Lando?!

Luke: Lando, you've gotta get us out of here, I'll use the force to convince the New Republic to drop that Ewok's sexual harassment suit!

Lando: Tempting, but no. I've got my own little agenda; I want Mara.

Mara: What? I thought you got over that. Besides, I was never interested.

Lando: Maybe not, but you will be!

Mara: No I won't.

Lando: Yes you will.

Mara: No I won't.

Lando: Yes you will.

Mara: No I won't.

Lando: Yes you will.

Mara: No I won't.

Callista: Ah-hem, I believe that's enough. Lando, come with me, we're going to find a truly terrible piece of fan fiction for them to read.

Lando: This isn't over Mara, you will!

The screen flickers and they disappear.

Anja: Well, as long as we're stuck here, Zekk, Jacen, come with me!

Zekk and Jacen: Umm... (looking at Jaina and Tenel Ka)

Jaina: Tell her.

Zekk: Well, Anja, it's like this. Jaina and I kinda have a thing, so I don't think I should be spending so much time with you.

Anja: Okay. . . Jacen?

Jacen: It's like that with me and Tenel Ka too. I woulda told you, but we've had to keep these things secret.

Anja: Why?

Tenel Ka: What would people say? The heir to the richest sector in the galaxy and the Chief of State's son? Can we say "paparazzi"?

Anja: Well. . .

Jaina: Same with me and Zekk. I mean, the most powerful woman in the known galaxy's daughter shacking up with a street kid? The press would be all over us!

Zekk: Thanks sweetheart.

Jaina: Sorry baby, you know how it is.

Anja: Why are you telling me all this now?

Jacen: We don't have to worry about being caught. No one can find us here.

Anja: Oh. (she looks around at Luke and Mara, together, Jaina and Zekk, together, Jacen and Tenel Ka, together) Well Lowie, I guess it's you and me then.

Lowie (in perfect basic): Sorry no, you big ho. I'm waiting for Raaba to come back.

All (except Lowie): You speak basic?

Lowie: Of course, all wookiees do. We just don't tell anyone.

Jaina: Why not?

Lowie: It's like our own secret language, the wookiee speak, that is. It's a way of keeping old traditions. Or something like that, basically it's just some old law everyone has to follow.

Luke: Why hasn't anyone ever broken it before?

Lowie: Everyone breaks it at sometime or another. We wookiees just convince those who hear to keep quiet.

Mara: And if they don't?

Lowie: An angry wookiee is surprisingly good at negotiating such situations.

All: Oh.

Tenel Ka: So what happens now?

Mara: We wait.

Jaina: That's a bad way to end this.

Luke: Yeah, but that's how it's going to be.

Jaina: Why?

Luke: Just is.


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