(Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, or the whole MST idea. Any comments made about the author aren't meant to be hurtful in anyway, it's just for fun. The author of this badfic is Kendra.
Mild swearing warning, but nothing earth shattering. If you can watch TV, you can read this.)
Everyone's in the main room. Luke and Mara are in a corner together, Zekk and Lowie are taking apart a small computer. Jacen and Tenel Ka are playing cards while simultaneously staring into each other's eyes. Anja is watching them, scowling. Jaina's reading a copy of Zahn's Vision of the Future.
Jaina, heaving a dramatic sigh, throws the book down. Seeing no response from her companions, she picks the book up again, and throws it harder. This time Mara looks up.
Mara: What is it?
Jaina: I don't know why so many people *like* that book!
Luke: What's wrong with it? Mara and I wouldn't be together if it weren't for that book.
Jaina: It's not that! I love you and Mara together. I mean, she's *way* better that Callista. (shudders)
Mara: So what's wrong with the book?
Jaina: Well, it's the book where you and Luke get together. But there's almost no romance!
Mara: That's because Star Wars isn't about romance. If our fans really wanted that sort of thing they'd write it them selves.
Luke: They do write it themselves.
Mara: Point taken. But if all it was about was romance then Star Wars books wouldn't sell. That kind of thing is boring to some people, you know.
Jaina True, but I wanted smoochies! And a wedding. And everyone's reaction when they found out.
Luke: Don't worry, some fan fiction writer with little to no life will come along and-
Mara: Luke be careful! We *are* in a fan fic right now, and it might not be wise to-
Luke: Bah! What's she gonna do? It's not like she can do anything *bad* to me.
Just then, Luke's hair begins to change color. As Luke's body also shrinks and changes shape, he makes assorted cries for help. When the transformation is complete, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, has assumed the form of a small, pink, rabbit.
Mara: Told ya so.
Luke bounces around, sniffing in vain attempts to make noise. Jacen and Tenel Ka look up from their cards and notice him.
Jacen: Hey Lowie, dinner time!
A petrified Rabbit-Luke jumps into Mara's lap. She glares at Jacen.
Mara: Is that really necessary?
Jacen: No, but it's fun.
Before Mara can say anything else, the giant screen lights up, revealing Callista, with a dejected Lando behind her.
Callista: You can't image how wonderful it isn't to see you all again. I'm sure you'll just *hate* this story.
Mara: Come on Callie, can't we be reasonable about this? Because of our situation Luke's turned into a house pet, and we have to read these vile stories.
Callista: Luke's a what? (seeing the pink rabbit) Oh. Well, the current writer owes me for making me the villain here, so I guess I could ask her to change him back.
Mara: Please do. He's no good to me with fur.
Callista closes the connection for a minute, and when she comes back on screen Luke begins to change back.
Luke: Thanks Callista. I'm not leaving Mara, but at least I'm not a rabbit.
Callista: It's my pleasure.
Jaina: Hey Lando, what's wrong with you?
Callista (frowns): He's run up a *huge* bill on *my* credit card. I've got to go to fix it.
Lando: But they were on sale!
Callista: I don't *care* if they were on sale, don't you *ever* no near that store again!
Zekk: As uninteresting as this is, aren't we going to read the story?
Callista: Yes, you are. Good bye!
Her image fades as text begins to scroll down.
>>love potions the misadventures of super lowie
Lowie: This can only bring me pain.
>>luke and callista are in a room
>>luke say callista i love you
>>i love you too callista darling luke say back
>>doo da doo de doo
Mara: Luke! How dare you fall under the influence of a love potion?
Luke: I'm sorry, it's the author not me.
Mara: You *will* make this up to me latter.
Luke (gulps): Sure thing, honey.
>>lando i never realized how handsome you are mara say
>>i know lando say back
>>doo da doo de doo
Lowie: What the hell?
Zekk: If you can't bedazzle with brilliance, then baffle with bullshit.
>>oh anja i love you sooooooooo much jacen say
>>i love you to jacen anja say back
>>doo da doo de doo
Tenel Ka: Jacen, you and Anja get together in one more story and I *will* hurt you.
Jacen: But it's not my fault these author's have a sick sense of humor!
>>oh tenel ka you are so lovely zekk say
>>i love you to tenel ka say back
>>doo da doo de doo
Jacen: Oh Tenel Ka. . .
Tenel Ka: Forget it Jacen, I was on the rebound from your rejection.
Anja: As long as you don't want him Tenel Ka, I'd being willing to-
Tenel Ka: Think carefully about what you're going to say, Anja.
>>aaaaaahhhhhhhh jaina say hhhhheeeeeeeeelllllllllllpppppppp
Jaina: What did I just say?
Zekk: I don't know; there weren't any quotation marks.
Jaina: So you're saying we should just ignore the `say' and only concentrate on quotes?
Luke: There wouldn't be much of a story if we did that.
Jacen: Was there much of a story to begin with?
>>look its a bird
>>no a plane
>>no its super lowie
Lowie: I don't know if I should be flattering or offended.
>>stop evil anja i know you gave everyone love potion just for your own personal gain say super lowie
>>no you can't stop me say evil anja
>>sure he can say jaina she run to super lowie blast them say she
Jaina: I'm gonna go with "offended".
>>no say evil anja i will blast you she pull out a
>>demotabolizing ionic pressurizing water squirting ray gun and blast super lowie and jaina
Lowie: Hah! You're going to kill me with a water gun?
>>they fall and fall and fall then they turn bright red and blow up
Anja: Looks like I did.
>>so they live happily ever after
Jaina: Happily ever after? I don't think so!
Zekk: As if I could ever be happy without Jaina.
Jacen: Now Zekk, I know you didn't mean that as some kind of put down for Tenel Ka. . .
Tenel Ka: Don't be ridiculous Jacen. I'm sure he was talking about how much we hate it when we're not in the right "couples".
>>luke with callista mara with lando anja with jacen and tenel ka with zekk
Mara: I didn't need to be reminded about that.
Luke: It's about time!
Lowie: I thought that one would never end.
Tenel Ka: It did, and that's all that matters.
Callista appears on screen, with Lando behind her. Lando looks as if he's been crying.
Callista: Didja like the story, Luke?
Luke: I hated it.
Callista: I thought the idea of us together was . . . touching, didn't you?
Luke: I found it nauseating.
Callista: Fine then! I'm leaving.
Mara: What? Aren't you going to tell us how bad the next story's going to be?
Callista (smiling evilly): Oh, it will be the very embodiment of your worst nightmares.
Mara: Sounds like a party.
Callista: For me, not for you.
Send feedback here